I’m graduating later. And I don’t feel the anxiety I felt during my high school graduation. It feels like it’s just another day. Like it’s not that big a deal. And I know it’s supposed to be a big deal. Because, of course, it’s your college graduation. One of the biggest moments in your life. Something to be proud of.
But then, when people congratulate me, I don’t feel like I deserve to be congratulated. And the whole family wants to attend and watch me. But I don’t want them to. I don’t want them to just sit there. I don’t want them to just witness the fact that I never had honors or medals. That I didn’t take my studies seriously. That I wasted 4 years of my life by just passing through classes. That I barely attended half of the classes I was enrolled in. How I just passed by college. How I was just in campus. How I was always late. Always absent. Always the irresponsible one. Good education was just wasted on me.
I honestly don’t know how I’m even graduating. There are people I know who performed better than me that aren’t graduating. It just feels unfair.
Then again, maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. There’s still hours before graduation. Maybe at the venue, somebody from the administration would stop me and tell me they made a mistake. Or maybe they wouldn’t even call me on stage.
Am I proud of this?
It’s just one of those things I don’t want to dedicate to the people that surround me.
Sorry, family. I’d like to be proud of this graduation for you guys. But I already blew it. If I were to dedicate something for you guys. It would not be in this way. Sorry I disappointed you.
Who do I dedicate this to, then?
I’ll just dedicate this to all the things that just pass by. Those that probably lived on luck. Those that kept pushing on even when they knew they didn’t have a fighting chance. Those that were present. But were never found useful. Those that were never sought for no matter what potential they had.
There’s a few more hours. And I still don’t feel the anxiety.
I hope I’m competely wrong about all this.